This morning in bed i was snuggling up to S, and started kissing his shoulder. He said, "I haven't had a bath". i said that i didn't care, but he told me no. So i stopped, feeling somewhat disappointed. "Besides" he said, "there's no way I could sleep if you did that (gave him a bj)" i was a bit sad about it, i had been looking forward to giving him a bj. i know he needs more rest when his arthritis is bad. It took me a few minutes to calm myself. "I love you" he said. i was able to relax into that and feeling him next to me. i dozed for a while before getting up.

This evening after dinner i had a bit of difficulty staying at the table while he chatted. my tendency is to want to get up and go on to the next task. It helped to focus on my arousal and on just sitting there. Sometimes i find it a challenge to listen because he has a high interest in what i consider trivia. Usually after a while i can find something to comment on or that is of some interest to me. And i have to remember that i haven't been around for almost a week, so he has a lot of thoughts to run by me that he couldn't share while i was gone. i am not as successful with this as i would like. Part of my problem, is that i do not divide my attention well. i have to do one thing at a time usually. So if i am focused on a task, especially if i am reading something and he starts to speak to me . . . there is no way. Generally i stop what i am doing to listen/speak to him. But sometimes i don't and that hurts his feelings.
"I'm boring you again" he says. Generally i say something along the line of "i want to listen to you." Since sometimes i am bored with the content of what he is saying, but i definitely do want to listen to him.

i was feeling somewhat satisfied, since i got caught up with ironing, finished the dishes and cleared off most of the kitchen counters of clutter. i had hoped to get to the grocery store, but as time grew short i realized that i had enough food to make dinner. This evening i feel some discontent, and even felt some resentment about doing as much around the house as i did. i haven't felt that for quite some time.

So leaving that, for the moment anyway, what about the scarf? And etc.? i presume. The scarf . . . well i've never done any bondage with other people. On my own i've constricted my self at times and found it quite arousing. Sometimes S will put his foot over mine and hold it for a while with just his weight so that i can't move my leg easily. And i like that a lot.

This was different. i didn't find it directly arousing. i found the scarf more comforting. The silky feel, the limited movement of my hands, except when one would slip out in my sleep. The bed was a platform type, so there was nothing i could attach to. so i tied my hands together, loosely. The comfort of being tied like that felt very very natural to me. That was a surprise. If it were a practical thing i would just have stayed tied, but it is not practical, or socially acceptable. Instead i either wore the scarf as a belt, or carried it in my purse, where it is right now. i don't understand why this experience was so comforting but it was, and just thinking about it is very comforting.

The vibe, other than my "overuse" of leaving it in me for longer than i was supposed to, i also find it very enjoyable. After the first night, i found that
i would cum with it very quickly, even if i was trying to delay and even without touching my clit. Today when i mastubated with it in my cunt, i made an effort to see if i could tolerate it inside me for longer without cumming. i could "ride the wave" and get myself to back off once and then the second "wave" was higher and i turned it off and pulled it out, because i felt i wouldn't be able to stop. After that first night i didn't feel the deep calm as much. But today i did feel that sense of calmness before the vibrations got intense enough that my arousal started to take off. i like feeling it deep inside me, esp. when i am plugged.

i'm going to write more about some of what i learned at the convention, for example there was a talk about aggression that had some useful points in it, i thought. But i can't remember what they were at present.

S felt he was too dirty for me this morning (well he really wanted to keep sleeping also). i thought later today, if he feels squeamish about this, maybe he will never feel comfortable about anal sex either. It's ironic in a way, given that he lived in a morgue for a couple of years and saw who knows how many autopsies. He's licensed as a plumber and has dealt with that sort of mess countless times. He's happy as a clam covered in motor oil working on a truck, but he doesn't want me to give him a bj when his cock's a bit musky! i don't get it, but to each his own, i suppose. Patience patience and all that.