i feel as if i don't have too much to say, but then i always fool myself.

i had an interesting and somewhat exhausting initial evaluation today. An eleven year old girl and her mother came in due to conflicts between the girl and her step-father of the last three years. The mother kept saying, "What can I do?" Then trying to put the best face on things. The girl had gone to live with her father for a month early this spring, but the mother doesn't trust him and brought her back to her house. The child's symptoms were gone at the father's house and returned back with her mother.

Finally i had to kick mom out because her daughter couldn't speak openly with her in her room. i thought things were a bit strange because most parents expect and want their eleven year old to speak with me privately first, or privately at some point. The step-father doesn't do anything criminal, he just yells and doesn't listen at all. i told her that i would try to plant a seed in her mother's mind about going back to living with her father, but that things were going to take some time and she would need to continue being patient.

Then mom rejoined us and again was trying to act as if there was an easy fix somewhere. i said, "Things can't go on like this or something bad will happen." The mother agreed. i recommended family therapy and said i would arrange for it. i suggested that they consider getting a pet so that the girl can fall asleep more easily. "He'll never let that happen!" she said. then cried because after her mother re-married the step-father had gotten rid of the girl's cat. She kept crying and crying. The mother kept saying "That's all you want" in disbelief. The girl kept saying, "Yes that's all i want" (i tried to interject that she might very well want more at some later date). Then at last the mother started to cry and i felt relieved. "I didn't realize she was so upset!" And then the daughter looked at her mother and hugged her. i made empathic noises. i apologized for making them cry (ok i was being a bit facetious). They thanked me. So i felt i had done something good, but it was draining.

S got very anxious this afternoon when we had a change of plans, i felt guilty about it, but he did say that my message was perfectly clear. he had just gone into panic mode. When we walked tonight in the woods, he started saying, maybe there are snakes on the path. I don't hear any birds. i said, It's night, that's why you don't hear any birds. No snake in its right mind would be on this path!

He can really spook himself sometimes. i was worried and maybe a bit over-protective of him on the walk. i worried about his balance, about him limping more than usual, about whether he was tired and not complaining. So i can spook myself too. We didn't walk as far as i usually do. blue was a bit subdued, either tired from our last walk or timid with S around. i was listening to myself, trying to see if i was acting like a know it all, or in some subtle way being disrespectful. i don't think so, but time and more watching will tell.

i'm going to take a last stab at the laundry and get to bed.