Time
As i was reading and posting in the forum this evening, i thought again about how valuable this little community is to me. Topics come up that i would not have re-visited on my own and that can be very helpful.

For example in thinking about wearing skirts and about Catherine M's book, my thoughts turned to how suddenly (or it seems suddenly)i understand the impulse of some women to refer to themselves as "slaves". Because as i was posting and doing the dishes, i had the sense that my body was not "mine" in some sense and "my time" was not "mine" in some sense. Of course my body is always mine in the sense that i'm the one living in it, nothing except death can change that. But i can give over control of my body and my time as a gift, to S, to C for guidance, and to God.

When i was in Atlanta i started reading the Miracle of Mindfulness. i had listened to a tape by Naht Hahn on which he told the story about his friend who was a bit overwhelmed with fatherhood and marriage. His friend eventually saw all the time as his time and found a deeper peace. i was finding a deeper peace by thinking of "my time" as not really being mine, but being something to give towards the pleasure of others. (Now i did draw the line at watching J "kill" Gromit over and over again, i got up and left)
i had never really understood that story except on an intellectual level and now i think i have a deeper understanding of it. i think in a way being away from home and experiencing that few days where i allowed myself to feel and be guided towards feeling that deep loving towards everyone helped. And also tonight in writing in the forum about how S is not likely to want to share me sexually and finding that either way, being shared or not is arousing to me, as long as it is what pleases S. That was when i felt i understood why some women feel comfortable calling themselves slaves, even though they decidedly are not "enslaved" as i understand the term.